The Cliches of the Newsies Fandom
by Follow Those Owls
Summary: A humorous look at some of the funny, silly, bizarre, out-of-character, weird, creepy, and downright nonsensical trends I've noticed in the stories. Feel free to leave a review with anything I missed! CHAPTER 2: Spot, Crutchy, and Jack react to the cliches!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, friends! As much as I adore Newsies, I've noticed there are a ****_lot _****of clichés in this wonderful fandom. No, they're not all that bad, and can work if it's well written and the plot is interesting, but if you include like, 4 of them, you can count me out.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Newsies. I will one day, though. You just wait. **

Girls from the twenty-first century start by getting into an argument over which guy is best or cutest, travel back in time (but it's never explained how), and the guy they liked always loves them. They also have literally everything they could ever need, including a change of clothes, glasses or contact lenses, a cell phone (ignoring the fact that they wouldn't work because there's no cell towers in 1899 New York), etc.

The other boroughs besides Manhattan and Brooklyn are never mentioned, despite the fact that the newsies from The Bronx, Queens, etc. did play a role in the film.

Harlem newsies are NEVER good.

Wiesel is either never mentioned or part of a creepy slash pairing.

Spot is either a love interest, a total wuss, or completely evil.

Bumlets, Pie-Eater, Snoddy, Itey, Snitch, Snipeshooter, Boots, Specs, and other minor characters are either never mentioned or part of a slash pairing.

Race and Spot get all the girls, and Crutchy NEVER gets them.

There's either one girl newsie or a million of them, and they're always from Brooklyn.

Sarah is either completely ignored or an antagonist.

Les? What's that?

Blink is always part of a slash pairing or he's bi.

If the boys are in the 21st century, they always have their newsie names and that is their real, given name, despite the fact that it'd be pretty strange to run into a boy named "Spot" or "Crutchy".

Girl newsies live in the lodging house with the guys, even though there would be a separate house for them, or at least half of the house would be for boys and the other half for girls.

Medda's is only a place to hang out and not a major character.

Pulitzer is never mentioned or has a daughter who falls in love with a newsie. (This was in the Broadway musical! It makes me want to cry laughing.)

Spot has an airheaded female best friend, even though she would most likely get on his nerves in about 20 seconds.

All the characters that got arrested at the end of the movie reappear and take up their old jobs.

Any male OC's are brothers to one of the newsies and only cause drama.

Spot and Jack have little sisters and are RIDICULOUSLY protective.

The accents people write in are kind of hard to read and are not only in the dialogue, but throughout the entire story and narration.

Spot is considered either a jackass, a ladies' man, or a drug by all the females.

We are expected to know who all the OC newsies are, despite that there were no characters named "Relic" or "Matches" or whatever in the story, and the author doesn't explain that you have to read another story first to know who they are.

The Delancey Brothers are never mentioned.

Who's Denton?

If it's set in the 21st century, the newsies are either on a game show or at a summer camp or they work at a restaurant. Things are out of control 300% of the time.

Tumbler, if ever mentioned, is related to Skittery.

Everyone wonders who "Blanket" is because he's on the character list but isn't in the movie. (Seriously, who the hell is Blanket?)

People pair Swifty with EVERYONE.

Girls just tuck their hair into their hats instead of CUTTING IT OFF.

Spot hates Christmas.

Everyone ignores that Jack's real name is "Frances Sullivan".

Spot cheats on his girlfriend. She forgives him.

Girl newsies either hate Mush or think he's sexy as hell.

David has parents? Since when?

Going from Brooklyn to Manhattan and vice versa takes about 2 minutes even though there's a huge bridge to go across.

The food Jack stole was bread. No exceptions.


	2. Chapter 2

**I said I was done, but then I thought of how my personal favorite Newsies might react towards these clichés. It seemed pretty funny, to me, so, if you're interested, here are Jack, Crutchy, and Spot's responses towards the clichés!**

**(NOTE: For the sake of comedy, the newsies' personalities are exaggerated (i.e., Spot's readiness to beat up anyone not on his side, Crutchy's awkwardness, etc.) Also, the newsies' responses are not necessarily my own. It's how I assume they would react.)**

_Girls from the twenty-first century start by getting into an argument over which guy is best or cutest, travel back in time (but it's never explained how), and the guy they liked always loves them. They also have literally everything they could ever need, including a change of clothes, glasses or contact lenses, a cell phone (ignoring the fact that they wouldn't work because there's no cell towers in 1899 New York), etc._

**Jack: **You can time-travel by getting into an argument?

**Crutchy: **What's a cell phone?

* * *

_The other boroughs besides Manhattan and Brooklyn are never mentioned, despite the fact that the newsies from The Bronx, Queens, etc. did play a role in the film._

**Spot: **They only joined the strike because of me, just FYI.

**Jack: ***rolls eyes* We _know, _Spot.

* * *

_Harlem newsies are NEVER good._

**Crutchy: **They ain't so bad! There was a newsie from Harlem in the refuge, and he used to sneak really good food from the kitchen and share it with everybody.

* * *

_Wiesel is either never mentioned or part of a creepy slash pairing._

**Jack: **What's a slash pairing?

(At this moment, the narrator walks in and whispers what it is in his ear.)

**Jack: ***shudders* Really? WEASEL? You people…you people are _sick._

* * *

_Spot is either a love interest, a total wuss, or completely evil._

**Crutchy: **I don't think you've ever even had a girlfriend.

**Spot: **I don't have time. You people realize I've got a job?

**Jack: **They're calling you a wuss.

**Spot: ***whips out cane and waves it around threateningly…sort of* Who are they? I'll soak 'em! Where are you? Say it to my face!

**Crutchy: **They live behind a little screen thingy.

**Spot: **DO THEY? *smacks screen with cane* FEEL MY WRATH.

**Jack: ***mumbles* They were kind of on the right track with _evil…_

**Spot: **WHAT?

* * *

_Bumlets, Pie-Eater, Snoddy, Itey, Snitch, Snipeshooter, Boots, Specs, and other minor characters are either never mentioned or part of a slash pairing._

**Jack: **You people and your slash thingies. STOP.

**Crutchy: **They were important to the strike. How come they aren't mentioned?

**Jack: **People don't like 'em?

**Spot: **They ARE minor, after all…

* * *

_Race and Spot get all the girls, and Crutchy NEVER gets them._

**Jack: **Why don't I get any girls? Last time I checked, I was THE ONLY ONE WITH A GIRLFRIEND?

**Crutchy: **Why don't _I_ get any girls? I'm cute. I have charm. I have backstory. I'm a good newsie…

* * *

_There's either one girl newsie or a million of them, and they're always from Brooklyn._

**Spot: **There aren't _any _girl newsies. Anywhere. Is that even legal?

* * *

_Sarah is either completely ignored or an antagonist._

**Jack: ***facepalms* She's one of the only girls with any actual relevance to the strike besides Medda, and look at the treatment she's getting.

* * *

_Les? What's that?_

**Jack: **A person…

* * *

_Blink is always part of a slash pairing or he's bi._

**Jack: **Can we stop with the slash? Please?

* * *

_If the boys are in the 21__st__ century, they always have their newsie names and that is their real, given name, despite the fact that it'd be pretty strange to run into a boy named "Spot" or "Crutchy"._

**Spot: **They know those aren't our real names, right?

**Jack: **What's _your_ real name, Spot?

**Spot: ***glares* WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT.

* * *

_Girl newsies live in the lodging house with the guys, even though there would be a separate house for them, or at least half of the house would be for boys and the other half for girls._

**Spot: **There aren't any girls.

**Crutchy: **Ain't it a little inappropriate to have them living with us, anyway?

* * *

_Medda's is only a place to hang out and not a major character._

**Jack: ***grins* She's amazing.

* * *

_Pulitzer is never mentioned or has a daughter who falls in love with a newsie. (This was in the Broadway musical! It makes me want to cry laughing.)_

**Crutchy: **We're a Broadway musical? Why didn't anyone tell me? I need to get my crutch polished!

**Spot: **I better have gotten a good portrayal.

(Narrator walks in again and tells him that she doesn't think he did.)

**Spot: ***angrily smacks screen with cane again* I blame all of you.

* * *

_Spot has an airheaded female best friend, even though she would most likely get on his nerves in about 20 seconds._

**Spot: **She would. I ain't got time to waste with people who can't add up 2 + 2.

* * *

_All the characters that got arrested at the end of the movie reappear and take up their old jobs._

**Jack: **Continuity doesn't matter, huh?

* * *

_Any male OC's are brothers to one of the newsies and only cause drama._

**Crutchy: **What's an OC?

**Spot: **Stop making up your own terms, fanfiction! *smacks screen AGAIN, a crack appears*

**Jack: **Way to go, Arthur.

**Spot: **I TOLD YOU WE DON'T TALK ABOUT MY REAL NAME!

* * *

_Spot and Jack have little sisters and are RIDICULOUSLY protective._

**Jack: **I'm an only child.

**Spot: **I don't even think I have parents.

* * *

_The accents people write in are kind of hard to read and are not only in the dialogue, but throughout the entire story and narration. _

**Crutchy: **…You write in an accent?

* * *

_Spot is considered either a jackass, a ladies' man, or a drug by all the females._

**Spot: **I'm not any of those – how does a person be a drug, anyway?

* * *

_We are expected to know who all the OC newsies are, despite that there were no characters named "Relic" or "Matches" or whatever in the movie, and the author doesn't explain that you have to read another story first to know who they are._

**Jack: **I think OC's are characters they made up.

**Spot: **YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

**Crutchy: **Sure they can. This is America! This is a free country!

**Spot: **Shut up.

**Crutchy: **DON'T STOP BELIEVIN'.

* * *

_The Delancey Brothers are never mentioned._

**Jack: **Good. They suck.

* * *

_Who's Denton?_

**Jack: **Oh, he only MAJORLY HELPED WITH THE STRIKE.

(Narrator informs him that he wasn't cute so they don't care.)

**Jack: **Twisted society you people live in.

* * *

_If it's set in the 21__st__ century, the newsies are either on a game show or at a summer camp or they work at a restaurant. Things are out of control 300% of the time._

**Crutchy: **Why don't we sell papes? Is that not a thing in the 21st century?

* * *

_Tumbler, if ever mentioned, is related to Skittery._

**Jack: **But...he isn't.

* * *

_Everyone wonders who "Blanket" is because he's on the character list but isn't in the movie. _

**Spot: **There's no one named Blanket.

**Crutchy: **Is he an OC masquerading as a real person?

* * *

_People pair Swifty with EVERYONE._

**Spot: **WE HAVE JOBS. THERE ISN'T TIME. *mumbles* Unless, you're _Jack, _then there's time to run a strike AND have a girlfriend!

**Jack: **Can it, Spot.

* * *

_Girls just tuck their hair into their hats instead of CUTTING IT OFF._

**Spot: ** What is it going to take to get that there aren't any girl newsies through your thick skulls?

* * *

_Spot hates Christmas. _

**Jack: ***snickers* You should've seen him last year. Strung lights all up around everything, put a tree in the lodging house, sang carols…Brooklyn looked like a very spirited cyclone passed through. He even tried to convince some old lady to knit him a stocking.

**Spot: **I was drunk, for the record.

* * *

_Everyone ignores that Jack's real name is "Frances Sullivan"._

**Jack: **Yes, can we?

**Spot: **No.

**Jack: **Shut up, _Arthur…_

* * *

_Spot cheats on his girlfriend. She forgives him._

**Spot: **I ain't a cheater!

**Crutchy: **Do they not like you, or something?

(Narrator explains that, on the contrary, we _love _Spot over here.)

**Spot: **Then be nice.

* * *

_Girl newsies either hate Mush or think he's sexy as hell._

**Jack: **Why are there any girl newsies? For the last time: THERE AREN'T ANY.

* * *

_David has parents? Since when?_

**Jack: **Since always…

* * *

_Going from Brooklyn to Manhattan and vice versa takes about 2 minutes even though there's a huge bridge to go across._

**Jack: **It's a long walk! Give credit where credit is due!

**Crutchy: **One time I stepped on a broken glass bottle on the way there. It's dangerous.

**Spot: **How do you think I feel, I LIVE there.

* * *

_The food Jack stole was bread. No exceptions._

**Jack: **_I_ don't even remember what it was.

* * *

**Sorry if this was totally stupid. I don't know, it made me laugh.**

**EDIT MAY 2013: ****Just ****to clear things up, I am well aware that there really were many girl newsies in the real world. However, Newsies, although it is based on a true story, is technically not set in the real world. It's set in a Disney version of 1899 New York where newsboys singing and dancing in public areas is a common occurrence and Brooklyn is frighteningly clean. In the movie, there were no girl newsies. Since Spot, Jack, and Crutchy live in this world and have no canon experiences outside of the ones in and mentioned in the movie, and there weren't any girl newsies there, they probably wouldn't know they exist. **


End file.
